The Con?

Paul Newman, Robert Redford–The Sting, a con run by experts. “Con” comes from convict and cons run cons as a kind of sport. Prison is boring, among other things, and anything that concentrates the mind and provides some excitement is welcomed. Over the years I have been conned, never saw it coming, only realized it after the fact, and I thought I was experienced enough now to keep out of harm’s way. I was almost wrong.

            The days following Kevin’s beating I heard more reports of what had happened. Some discrepancies became apparent however. The numbers of officers beating on him declined sharply in number for instance. Reasons for the incident were talked about and I began to think that Kevin had even provoked the officers involved, to some degree. Other details did not match up either, and my mind went to the possibility of a con being run on me.

            I have to admit that some of the convicts would like to get rid of me. It has been attempted in the past, and the trouble I am having with some A’s players might be a motive for another try at it. They think, and I know this for certain, that I am favoring the Giants. Truth is, I am. It all has to do with scheduling games. That job was taken away from me for the first time in fifteen years and I resent it. More than that, it complicates my world so I let the chips fall where they may so that has meant, in the past two months, the A’s have played far fewer games than the Giants. I could have prevented it but I didn’t.

Prison, for both prisoner and guard, likely will corrupt the mind, however subtlety, but bend or distort it for sure. Though this is a subject I often mention or allude to, still I continue to bring it up because I know I have been impacted but I do not know to what degree. Am I being paranoid thinking a con is being run on me? I talk to my wife about it and she is not sure either. As I write this I can sense some anger in me. I can’t let that stupid prison make me crazy.

The most graphic and horrific accounts came from two A’s players. Both insisted on talking to me where the officer in the gun tower just above the field might be able to hear, and if not that, certainly he would be able to observe the description of the beating being acted out for my benefit. It is also well known that I have a tendency to over-react, go off even some times, and it dawned on me that if I were provoked to take the inmate’s side and start accusing the prison officials with gross injustice and law breaking–prisoners do have rights and court ordered protections–I might just get bounced out of the prison. A game within a game?

            A con? Right now I am not sure, but I am suspicious. I am going to slow it down, focus on listening and keeping my mouth shut. One thing, I am going to work on moving the A’s back to the intramural status as originally intended. I’ve got my plan; I have to have a survival plan. If I am going off the deep end then I have to move back from the edge. It is far more difficult for me to give it up all together than make a change I calculate will lessen my anxiety. Maybe I am too invested.

There is something else, too. All it would take to have my beige (brown) card pulled, and my tenure as the baseball coach ended, would be for a con to accuse me of groping him or something similar. I would be gone quick and I could even face criminal charges. If I were to land in some lock-up, I would not last long.