Thirteen
Listening to Criticism
“Did you hear yourself? You’re being overly critical,
Kent.”
“Critical, I’m not a critical person.”
“Ha, so you think. I’ve been married to you so long
and you think I don’t know.”
I’ve been told I tend to be a critical person. I don’t
like this about myself and I have to guard against it or
I would alienate everyone around me. And as a pastor
it would be deadly if I did not check it. At the same
time I don’t like to be criticized. Perhaps my fear of
criticism is related to my tendency to criticize others.
Early on in my Christian life, there were a few things
about the church I attended that I would have
loved to have talked over with my pastor. The concerns
were not of great significance. More than anything else,
I only wanted to spend time with the pastor. Making a
suggestion or critique is one way of coming before the
pastor.
Criticisms tend to be presented shortly before the
Sunday morning worship service is to begin. The next
best time is actually during the worship service itself,
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Listening to Criticism
even right before the sermon, via a note or a whisper.
Many criticisms come immediately after the service.
It is rare for someone to make an appointment for
lunch, coffee, or a chat in the office and express a
critique in a way that is intended to be encouraging
and helpful.
Pastors are frequently admonished, mainly through
denominational publications, “Listen to criticism and
evaluate it”. And pastors might more often do so if
they recognized a criticism for what it was. But the socalled
criticism may seem like a personal attack, and it
may be just that, a personal attack.
Here is a list of some of the ordinary criticisms.
1. You are not talking loud enough when you
preach, or, you are talking too loud when you preach.
2. You are not using the Bible enough in your
sermons, or, you are using the Bible too much in your
sermons.
3. Your sermons are too long, or, your sermons are
too short.
4. You sing too many hymns in the service, or, you
do not sing enough hymns in the service.
5. There is not enough praying in the service, or,
you are praying too much in the service.
6. The services last too long, or, the services are
too short.
7. I wish the Holy Spirit would be present in the
service.
8. The services are becoming awfully lively are they
not?
9. We are having far too many guest speakers, or,
why don’t we have more guest speakers?
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For Pastors
10. I wish you would speak so that the children
could understand you, or, I wish you would speak more
to the adults and mature Christians in the congregation.
11. I wish you would preach the gospel more, or,
Why are you always preaching to the unconverted?
12. When are we going to get some new families
into the church?
There may be no way to make sense out of a
criticism and perhaps the best one can do is hear the
criticism, thank the person, and make an expression
that it will be considered and prayed about. Or, if is of
a very serious nature, the pastor can state that others
will be consulted. A last resort response is to state that
the issue will be brought up before the church council.
There is a difference between a suggestion and a
criticism. Everyone will have a suggestion from time
to time. Anyone who cares about their church will make
suggestions. It seems that I can feel the difference
between a suggestion and a criticism. The person who
makes a suggestion is often willing to volunteer to make
the suggestion a reality. A suggestion does not call into
question the spirituality, dedication, motive, vision,
faithfulness, and integrity of the pastor. Words like
“why” and “how come” are not used, and no
comparisons are made.
A person who talks about how things were in their
old church is not making, necessarily, a criticism, and
may not be making a suggestion either. They had
appreciated and valued the ministry they received in a
previous church and want to have the same kind of
ministry in their new church if possible. I have learned
much from people bringing new ideas to me; however,
it is a rare situation where something that worked in
one church will work in another. A sincere person
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Listening to Criticism
whose suggestions spring from previous church
experiences should be seriously considered, but I have
learned not to make promises. If a suggestion comes
that I find interesting, I will take it under consideration,
talk with others about it, and even submit it to the
church council.
When I was much younger I had a more difficult
time accepting suggestions. I was far surer of myself
when I was in my 30s and 40s, and now as I find myself
in my late 50s, I am much more open to change. I am
not sure why; I think it is because I realize that as long
as I get to preach the gospel I do not much care what
else happens. Therefore I am probably more open to
suggestion and critique than at any other time in my
life.
Many suggestions, and criticisms, have to do with
the content and structure of the worship service. The
long and short of it is there is only so much that can be
done in a worship service unless no time limit is put
on it. The worship service almost becomes a war zone
in some churches. When pressed I have simply replied:
“How about you creating the worship services for the
next month?” And I have done it, actually let the
suggestion makers and critics design the service. Then
I have had the opportunity to use that old line, “If it is
too hot, get out of the kitchen”
There will be people who seem to be making a
critique, but actually they are making an evaluation of
the pastor and the pastoral ministry. It is a disguised
attack. It may come from jealousy; it may come from
envy. It may be that the person covets the pastor’s
position. They may see themselves in a leadership
position, and they may be, even at an unconscious level,
wanting to diminish the pastoral authority that theirs
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For Pastors
might be elevated. The worst response is a refusal to
listen to or consider the suggestion/critique.
Pastors must understand that they do not have it
all figured out, and, of course, just because somebody
makes a suggestion does not mean it must be accepted
as valid and acted upon. In the best of times I like to
be able to say, “Thank you for saying that. I am going
to take that under consideration. I am going to talk to
some other people about that, and let us talk about it
in month or so.”
On a few occasions I have asked suggestion makers
to put their ideas down on paper that I might study it
and perhaps use it to make a presentation to the church
council. Now accountability is built into the process.
Many a suggestion has withered on the vine when
people must stand behind their suggestion. After a
time, when such a process is used and becomes well
know to others, the number of suggestions may be
radically reduced.
There are probably a couple of dozen other ways
of dealing with suggestions and criticisms. There are
times when the last thing a pastor needs is to discover
that someone else in the congregation has a critique or
evaluation. However, listening to these goes with the
territory of being a pastor. Suggestions and criticisms
must be heard and evaluated.
Reflect for a moment to recall how it is that you react
to suggestions and criticisms.
If your reflection reveals you do not like suggestions
and criticisms, is there room for personal growth? If
you are like me, this is not easily done.