Twenty-nine
On Being a Counselor
“Kent, remember what I told you about my mother.
You’ve got to promise me that you will never tell
another living soul. I’ll just die if you do.”
“I assure you, I will never mention it to anyone,
not even my wife.”
(One month later.)
“Kent, now my husband knows. You must have told
him because no one else knew. How could you? I’ll
never trust you again.”
My college major was psychology. I left a graduate
program in counseling to attend Golden Gate
Baptist Theological Seminary. It seemed natural
enough to combine pastoral ministry and counseling;
I perceived of myself as a pastor/counselor.
Following my involvement in the “Jesus
Movement” I developed a counseling ministry, in the
70’s particularly, called the Marin Christian Counseling
Center. Christian counseling was a subject of great
interest during that particular time and, of course, it
continues to be. As a pastor with counseling skills I
thought I would be able to help people overcome
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For Pastors
emotional and spiritual based problems. For ten years
I spent four days a week with as many as six, seven,
sometimes eight appointments a day. All kinds of
people made appointments—people in the church,
people outside the church, Christians, and non-
Christians. I never charged a penny.
People would reveal their innermost secrets, deep
dark stuff, sometimes details of their lives they really
hadn’t intended to divulge; it would just come out. Too
often I would know way too much.
During the counseling process itself revelations of
past events did not seem to pose any threat. However,
I now had information that might prove damaging
should it get out. Even the closest relationships are
subject to strain, and sensitive, personal information
disclosed in a counseling situation may be problematic
once the strength of the counseling bond diminishes.
This is especially applicable for pastors who do indepth
(more than simple pastoral ministry) counseling
with members of the congregation.
I have discovered that when people go through a
life crisis and disclose intimate details of their lives,
though it seems okay at the time, when the crisis is
past, they may be embarrassed and uncomfortable in
the pastor’s presence. It may even be necessary for the
person to find another church. This has happened to
me more than once. Therefore, I have determined not
to be a counselor or confessor if I can avoid it.
People will confess their sins and if such repentance
arises naturally out of the Holy Spirit’s conviction, well
and good. But to set oneself up as a qualified counselor,
one ready to hear and handle the deep, dark,
complicated things—I think this is a mistake for the
pastor.
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On Being a Councelor
We are called into the pastoral ministry not into
the work of the psychotherapist, analyst, or counselor.
When, however, someone lays a problem before me
and asks for advice or counsel I respond, “I am not a
counselor, I am not a therapist, and I receive no
compensation for counseling.” (I ought also to disclose
that I have neither a license nor malpractice insurance.)
It is not unusual for a person who is not a member
of my congregation to offer to pay me for my time. My
answer is: “There is no charge. If you want to make a
donation to the church, you can.” And I will only say
that if absolutely pressed. I prefer that no money
change hand at all.
Pastoral ministry is what I will do, however. I can
tell a person what the Scripture says about a particular
issue, I can pray with and for somebody, I can relate
some of the things I have learned in my life and
ministry, but beyond that I hope not to go. I will listen
carefully, I will actively share what I feel is helpful,
and I may be able to recommend someone who would
be better qualified and trained than myself.
And so it is that I don’t want to know too much
about an individual. I want to be the pastor/teacher. I
do not want to be the counselor. Pastoral psychology
and counseling are taught in our seminaries and Bible
colleges and I am not saying that is an error or wrong.
I’m saying simply that as a pastor I would rather not
engage in it.
As I have already stated, I get to know more than I
ever wanted to know acting as a counselor, but
secondly, it is an extraordinarily time-consuming
process. Not only does counseling require large blocks
of time, it is emotionally draining as well. To hear of
the pain, suffering, and grief of others is a difficult thing.
What is it that is said, “Psychiatrists have the highest
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suicide rate of any profession.” Whether this is true or
not I don’t know, but I know there is an incredibly
high attrition rate for people who engage in
psychotherapeutic work.
The job of the pastoral minister is to preach the
gospel and help those who are converted to grow up
into the stature of the fullness of Jesus. And people
are to work out their own salvation with fear and
trembling. I don’t want to have a person develop a
relationship with me that they really need to have with
Jesus. I would rather have them view Jesus as their
counselor. Jesus is the Counselor, the Advocate, the
Paraclete, the One who comes alongside to help. I
would rather see an individual develop a strong
devotional life and learn to trust the Lord to be their
counselor. I am then free to be the pastor/teacher.
Do you want to function as a counselor?
Do you perceive a difference between pastoral
counsel and the counsel of a licensed therapist?
Have you experienced the betrayal of confidence?