Am I a Christian?” Since no certificate of authentication
comes to us from the hand of God upon conversion,
the answer to this critical question must ultimately be
an experience of faith.
It is one thing to claim salvation, as though one could, but
it is quite another to know one has been claimed. However,
we can have clear indications that we are. It is much like the
evidence that proves we are human beings. Humans look
like, act like, and think like homosapiens and not like other
species. Jesus’ characterization of conversion as a spiritual
new birth was neither random nor careless; it was a deliber-
ate analogy. As there are traits associated with humanness,
so too are there traits associated with being a born-again
Christian. It is on the basis of the presence of these spiritual
traits that we can know by faith that we are indeed Chris-
tians.
The rest of this essay is divided into two sections. The
first section concerns those experiences that normally come
before conversion, and the second section outlines those
experiences that normally, but not always, come after conver-
sion. These are set in a particular order in terms of spiritual
experiences, but this should not be relied upon. Experiences
will, of course, differ to some degree from person to person.
In addition, one should not be too particular in matching his
or her experience with those given here. Since each person
is different, considerable variation can be expected in how
the Holy Spirit works with the individual. However, there is
a common core of spiritual experiences that come to most
people.
The following points have either been experienced by
me, someone I know, or someone I have read about.
Before Conversion, there may be. . .
• A sense of meaninglessness or purposelessness. Some
have described it as a spiritual or emotional restlessness.
It may be intense and last for a long period of time. Or, it
may be mild and of short duration, but all the while life
seems somewhat disjointed and uneasy.
• A desire that the grave is not the end of life. Some have
had a sense of anger that life could be so short and harsh.
“There must be more than this” expresses the hope for
life after death. This is not so much a fear of death as it is
a love of life.
• A sense that there will be a judgment. This was my experience,
and I could not account for it.
• A sense of being lost and alone, abandoned and orphaned.
This most unpleasant feeling troubles us persistently and
will not let us go.
• Anger and confusion, even anxiety, at being so vulnerable
and out of control. Friends might suggest therapy at such
a time, but if the advice is followed, it provides no real
relief.
• A sense of unworthiness, of having done wrong, of feeling
guilty, even of being ashamed. This sense of ourselves
persists even though we affirm philosophies that are rel
ativistic and have no moral content.
• A sharp, even painful realization of having broken God’s
holy laws and thus standing condemned before him. This
is a major step beyond the previous experience. Here
there is a clear and unmistakable recognition that God is
real and that we are lawbreakers.
• A sense of being spiritually naked, wretched, and miserable.
This, again, is a step beyond the previous experience
and is most uncomfortable. It is somewhat rare in
the conversion experiences I have read, but not absent
completely, as the testimonies of George Whitefield and
John Bunyan reveal.
• Perhaps a period of trying to be self-righteous. We
attempt to strike a balance between sins and good
actions. Performing good deeds produces a temporary
sense of well-being, which is followed by failures that
produce a sense of personal disgust.
• A goal to be a “good person.” There may be sensitivity,
almost of a paranoid nature, that others, particularly
Christians, are judging us and thinking we are not good
people.
• Serious attempts at severe religiosity, even involving
material self-denial. This is rare but not unheard of.
• Giving up on the attempt to become acceptable to God.
Some resign themselves to a hopeless condition and fear
they will never be good enough to receive forgiveness.
• A sense, sometimes accompanied by an inner desperation,
of having a hardened heart and a callous mind. Some
may even feel out of touch with reality.
• Efforts to understand the Bible and actually get to the
bottom of what Christianity is all about.
• An interest in Jesus beginning to take form. Out of fear
of being ridiculed, we keep this interest a secret. Some,
however, are aggressive in their seeking and don’t care
who knows or what they think.
• An exposure, in some manner or another, to the gospel. It
may be via hearing preaching, a personal conversation, a
book or other printed material, a song, a radio or television
preacher, a film, even a conversation overheard at a
coffee shop.
• Now, the Holy Spirit drawing or calling us to Christ. Little
else matters now. Only two things are clear: our own sinfulness
and the forgiveness that is in Jesus.
• A sense that Jesus himself is calling out to us.
• The hearing of his voice and knowing that nothing can
keep us from him.
• Now the extreme irresistibility of Jesus as he calls us to
himself.
At this point, conversion (the new birth) occurs. We do
not know how or what or why, but there is newness. It may
happen quietly or with great emotion or something in-between.
After Conversion
• Some are immediately joyful and have a sense of being
at rest.
• Some feel as though a great burden has been lifted from
their shoulders.
• Some feel nothing at all.
• Some, like I was, are confused initially. Yet the inner spiritual
conflict has ended.
• Some are fearful as to what the change in them will bring.
I was worried that I would lose friends. My mother’s reaction
was a major concern, as I knew she was antagonistic
towards Christianity.
• Some will experience rejection from family and friends.
• Some will have a great desire, which is very unusual for
them, to read the Bible. This was certainly true for me, as
I could not find enough time to read it.
• Some will want to be with other Christians, even attend
church and worship. At first, the newness and strangeness
associated with worship and hymn singing may be
uncomfortable, but the “baby” Christian knows where he
will be nurtured.
• Some will be drawn to prayer and will spend long periods
praying to God. The sudden realization that God is
real, that he loves and cares for us, that there is an actual
reason for existence is quite overwhelming, and we love
to fellowship with God.
• Some will, and usually fearfully, attempt to tell others
what happened to them.
• Some will decide to keep it all a secret, especially after
they are rebuffed by significant people in their lives due
to their testimony.
• Some will want to join a Bible study to learn all they possible
can about Jesus and the Bible. Though everything
that is said and taught is not quickly understood, there
will be persistence in “growing in the Word.”
• There may be an initial period of euphoria, but this will
end and things will seem, emotionally speaking, much as
they were before the conversion.
• Sin may become an issue. Some will have the sense that
they are hopeless sinners, some will be mad that so much
of their life was sin-oriented, and some will think they
are not good enough to be Christians. This last one was
true of me. Not understanding that sanctification was
a lifelong process and that I had already been declared
righteous in Christ, I seriously thought about dropping
out altogether.
• Some will end one sin only to find another one to deal
with. Occasionally a new Christian will feel hopeless,
only to discover that they are not righteous at all and that
only Jesus is.
• There is a continuing desire to turn away from sin.
• Identifying with Jesus and other Christians, even when it
means censor or rejection from others, comes to characterize
us. For me, this meant ostracism from some friends
and co-workers.
• There is a desire for water baptism.
• There is a desire to receive the Lord’s Supper.
• There is a desire to be of service and to be faithful with
material possessions. I experienced this about six months
after my conversion. At first, I sang in the choir and put
just a minimal amount into the offering plate. Before
long, I was teaching a junior high Sunday school class and
tithing my money.
• A desire to please and honor God. This becomes a continuing
desire and lifelong expression of our love for God.
• A continuing sense of our own unworthiness.
• A continuing dependency on Jesus and his righteousness.
• A delight in hearing the gospel preached; hearing a good
sermon becomes more important than going to a sporting
or musical event.
• Sunday becomes a special day for worship, ministry, and
rest.
• We feel constrained to give up a “habit” that we have
come to believe is not pleasing to God.
• Being faithful with money even when funds are running
short.
• Appreciation for and love of hymn lyrics such as:
“Amazing grace! How sweet the sound that saved a
wretch like me!”
“There is a fountain filled with blood”
“My Jesus, I love Thee”
“For Thee all the follies of sin I resign”
“Tell me the story of Jesus, Write on my heart every
word”
“Fairest Lord Jesus! Thee will I honor, Thou, my
soul’s Glory, Joy, and Crown!”
“O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s
praise.”
“Jesus, the very thought of Thee with sweetness fills
my breast.”
“My richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt
on all my pride.”
“So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross.”
“Would He devote that sacred head for such a worm
as I”
(It would have been impossible for me to sing words
such as these before my conversion; and, it took a while to
get used to them, but once I did, I loved them).
• A determination to follow Jesus despite doubts. A settled
and fixed theology does not come with conversion. Early
on I thought everything I heard from the pulpit and from
my new Christian friends was absolute truth. Later, I had
to make each and every point of doctrine my own. This is
not easily or quickly done.
• If a major failure occurs, even a moral scandal, the person
of faith will still, eventually, continue to trust in Jesus.
I have had my problems, but by God’s grace he did not
abandon me or correct me so harshly that I gave up on
myself.
• Even in the midst of mental, theological, and emotional
confusion there is a determination to love and follow
Jesus, though we should be cast into hell. I noticed that
some of the English and American Puritans spoke like
this and it took me some time to understand that they
were expressing their fallibility while upholding God’s
sovereignty.
• A desire that our life should glorify God.
• A desire that our death should glorify God.
• A desire that at the judgment of Christ we would hear
him say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter
into the joy of your rest.”