Sanity vs. insanity
Mental illness plays large in what happens at San Quentin. I often forget this however and it costs me.
Some of the players that were cut from the Giants and then formed the core of the A’s I suspect are dealing with emotional troubles. And how could it be any different.
Merely being in the misery that is San Quentin has got to impact the psychological well being of any human being. Over the course of four decades I have seen how exposure to the prison environment affects correctional officers, prison administrators, volunteers, as well as the convicts themselves. Sadly I have seen seminary students utterly lose their desire or ability to function as a minister. More than a few seminary classmates made ship wreck of their faith after a few years of either working at or serving as a volunteer in the ministry of the Protestant Chapel. I wonder how I am doing actually and it occurs to me that I have likely not avoided the dangers either.
Some forms of psychosis develop, or so it is thought by some, by not being able to deal with reality and so a separate reality is constructed that is more easily navigated. The word schizophrenic comes to mind, and it is something I know about because my youngest brother was so diagnosed, in 1968, after he returned from a bad tour in Vietnam[1].
When I come into the prison for a practice or a game during the week, I head to the Mac Shack, which is positioned right by North Block where most of our players are housed. Those who are physically disabled, are on special diets due to diabetes for example, and those who are on meds of some sort, exit the block first for the chow hall. For years I have watched this group of men shuffle toward the hall and have noticed a number of our ball players in the mix. More than once I have been told by one of our players that so and so is on meds, and therefore be graceful in dealing with them.
The convicts who fair the best, in general only I suppose, are those who have had contact with the criminal justice system as juveniles. These often become institutionalized at an early age and fit more easily into adult prisons. But there are many who lived the average middle class life, end up coming to prison, and the adjustment is brutal. Insanity is right around the corner.
On the ball field there is a sense of normalcy to the point that is easy to forget the playing field lies in the heart of a big time prison. The guys seem normal, and many are in fact, but the place is ugly and unhealthy despite the department of corrections and rehabilitation’s effort to create a safe environment. It simply cannot be done. Under the surface is pent up anger and rage, sex stuff is always just below the surface, these combined with the racial tension–fear, despair, and more is right there all the time.
I do admire and respect those convicts, who after a decade or more in prison have been able to maintain some sense of sanity and avoid, to some degree, becoming institutionalized. It is better to respect and admire these men than feel sorry for them. It is dangerous to let a convict get into your head to the point you will bring in whatever[2] for them, which happens a whole lot.
Insanity can become a place of escape for otherwise normal people, and yes some such do end up in prison. California’s laws regarding domestic violence and driving under the influence can result in a couple years in a state pen. And by the way, county time is no piece of cake either, and can be worse than state prisons. Once in a while I will find someone who looks like me, talks like me and I figure it is either a DUI or some kind of domestic violence deal that brought them to prison. And these people are not prepared for it. From the office to the joint and it is this group that is most vulnerable for going crazy. Prison can be just that awful.
[1] My brother Gary committed suicide about a year after his Army experience, he had been a combat engineer, and was on medication at the time.
[2] A favorite item requested by prisoners is cash money, which oddly enough there is plenty of in the prison and is used to buy all sorts of things. Drugs of course are asked for, eventually demanded, and the best way is for a woman to bring such in. Even food will be sought for, specialty candies for instance, and of course cigarettes. “Playing on the sympathies” is certainly a phrase that applies to prison dynamics.