Is it all right to talk with friends and family about past troubling events?

This is a difficult question indeed. Yes and No would have to be the answer. Yes, when it is safe, and No, when it may not be.

When would it not be safe? Perhaps this would be when the listener is not emotionally and spiritually strong enough to hear what might be unpleasant. There were times when I was much younger, that it hurt me to hear about events that involved close family members. I needed to know these things, I guess, but it impacted me negatively. I would say that there are some things that should go unreported.

There have been times in my life when I had to shut up about problems I knew about family members. Just sitting here in front of my computer has brought a couple of instances rolling through my mind. Sometimes it might be better just to let things ride. While it might bring some relief to divulge, damage to others could be the result. I am suggesting that there be time spent in prayer, and careful consideration taken before making decisions about what to reveal and to whom.

So, the “no” part is complicated. Actually, it is all complicated. This is a “weak” chapter, because I am uncertain of how strong or deliberate to be here.

Concluding this brief piece, let me say that one needs to be careful about revealing that which might best be forgotten and hidden. Based on my years engaged in counselling, both as a therapist and a pastor, revelations of a serious nature might well do more harm than good.

However, I can also easily state, that if someone has a need to talk about past events, it is advisable to go to a professional or to someone who is not connected to the events. Over the years as a pastor, over 52 years now, I have heard many an unhappy story that needed to be brought into the light of day but without going any further.

We may well have to sit on tales that could still cause pain, and I think this is what maturity is about—the strength to know the horrors of past events and turn the pain over to our Lord who is always ready to listen. Yes, He is the great counsellor.